The Last Lecture

Yeah, I know. It's kind of horrible to rip off the title of a touching and important book for a blog post. Oh, well!

Mason has a routine as we leave the house on those occasions when we leave the dogs out of their kennels. His routine is to speak directly to them when Alan has them in a down command. What he says is a variation on the following:

"Now dogs.... don't do anything dumb. Don't eat anything, don't lay on anything, don't poop on anything, don't throw up, and don't die. Just take a nap and we'll be home in a little while."

That about sums it up, doesn't it?

Big, Fat Trouble

As Mason and I were getting ready to leave the other day, we noticed that Samson had gotten out of the yard. This was a frequent problem previously, as we didn't pour the planned concrete up the side of the house when we put in the fence but it's been at least a year since he got out. It took Samson about ten seconds to realize, without the concrete, he could wiggle out. He may be dopey, but he isn't stupid.


Well, the only one of us more stubborn than Samson is Alan, who finally managed to block the area under the fence using concrete blocks and eliminate the problem. We are preparing to pour the concrete at last and the careful block arrangement has been messed with in the last couple of weeks, giving Samson about seven inches of opportunity space to wriggle out once again. Don't ask me how he managed this without leaving a leg behind; that's another story all together. He's a contortionist to say the least.



Mason was put out by this turn of events; he was a good, faithful helper as I walked the neighborhood calling for the dog. Samson finally appeared, which is good considering neither of the dogs are usually tagged or collared when I put them in the backyard. Mason asked what was going to happen when we found Samson. I replied with what I felt was appropriate and controlled. I told Mason that Samson was "in big, fat trouble." I'm so glad it came out controlled considering how irritated I was and the fact that Mason later repeated this comment far and wide, including to random people at the store when we went for a few baby items.



While I was making dinner, Mason kept himself busy building a new fence to "keep the puppy dogs in".

I am also not sure I've mentioned much about one of Mason's delightful new games. He likes to pretend he is a "puppy dog". This comes complete with crawling on all fours, barking, asking us to pet him, licking me in the face (and then protesting when I squawk about it by telling me he was just giving me a kiss), and asking for a bone. A bone can be anything from a Pez dispenser turned sideways in his mouth to actual food. He will also lap his milk out of a cup instead of picking up the cup, which has created many awkward spills. And Mason getting into big, fat trouble of his own.

Thinking Outside the Box (for once!)

So I bragged in the last post I typed about holding my own with productivity. I then posted pictures of Mason and neglected to mention what I did that was actually productive. So if you are like us, having two large pets at home, and don't feel the need to spend another $60-$150 every time they tear their beds or kennels into chunks, see what I rigged up below.

Dog beds are ridiculously expensive. They don't sleep in them anyway; our dogs prefer to lay on the air vents that blow cold air so no one else feels any. We had moved their beds into the kennels, but they were destroyed by a summer of camping detritus. We did our seasonal clean and had to eighty-six all of it. But I can't leave them in bare kennels because that feels mean. It would be like leaving Mason in a room without a bed and telling him to sleep there. But I also can't sew and I'm not the most creative person, so what was a girl to do? Here it is in step-by-step format.

1. Clean kennels; try really hard not to gag as you throw away the mess that used to be in them. Use dish soap that promises to cut through anything, and be tough on odors even on plastic items. Hose them down; "accidentally" hit the curious dogs with cold hose water.

2. Let kennel pieces dry in the sun; pray it stays warm long enough for this to happen.

3. Realize you have nothing to put inside them; the dogs will have to stay out while you go to the store. It's kind of like a gamble. (We still aren't sure how Rio got the red Sharpie she chewed up in the middle of the living room once when we left her out on purpose; it was seriously put away in a drawer. We think she might have superpowers. We also aren't sure how Kevin got it out of our carpet. He also might have superpowers.)

4. Irritate your cranky kid by dragging him to Costco, Petco, and finally Target on a desperate search for something to put in the kennels that won't require you to dip into his college fund. Anyone priced dog beds lately? Or even the things they specifically make to pad kennels? If your dog is larger than say, a purse, it gets expensive quickly. Grab a few things with a rough idea of what you're going to do with them while your kid is screaming at the top of his lungs that he wants to go home. You will need: a queen sized foam mattress, two twin-sized fitted sheets, and reliable scissors. Pay as quickly as possible and chuck it all into the back of the truck while the cart is still in motion because if you stop your kid will climb out.

5. Head home to put the mostly dry kennels back together in the dark while your previously cranky kid asks repeatedly if he can climb in the tunnel and if you think his trucks will fit in the gaps where the bottom and top of the kennel fit together. (I said no, but his fingers might. I know because I've tried it with my own fingers. He resorted to climbing on top of the kennels to play but was not crying so I let him be.)

6. After kennels are together, take one queen sized foam pad ($22.99 at Target) and figure out the best way to cut it in half to fit both kennels. Cut it lengthwise and fold each section in half. Wrap a twin-sized fitted sheet around each part ($7.99 each at Target). Wrap it around the back/bottom first and then finally lap the sheet over itself so none of the stretchy parts or the foam is visible to the dog with superpowers who can probably undo your 10 minutes of work with nothing but sheer will on her side.

7. Fit each portion into the appropriate kennel, making sure you arrange colors so your husband won't accuse you of trying to turn the boy dog into a girl. Realize that, during your child's hissy fit, you paid no attention to what colors you grabbed and maybe you could've put more thought into this... but yellow is better than bubble gum blue for a boy, right? Maybe?

Total cost: $39 ($19.50 each) and just a small portion of my sanity. However, none of these items were on clearance so I know I should be able to reconstruct this, at the listed price or less, any time we have an unfortunate kennel-related incident. Plus, the sheets are more washable than the beds were, and these are the same materials those $70 beds were made from.

Needless to say, I was pretty proud of myself for rigging this up. Plus if I end up recreating it, I might need these instructions.

Seeing Red

One night last week, we were out in our yard doing some weeding. We love to save this task for after dinner because the our house faces east, so by this point in the day our front yard is fairly well shaded.

Typically while we weed, Mason is riding his bike in front of the house or playing in the dirt, and the dogs are dozing in whatever sunshine they can find, or next to one of us while we curse the morning glory.

Well, this night wasn't particularly typical for a couple of reasons. First, my fantastic neighbors across the street let Mason come over and play with their kids and a few other neighborhood children because they were working in their own backyard. He loves spending time with their cute and fun kids so it was really generous of them to invite him.

Also this same neighbor also warned us about an older woman who takes a nightly walk down our street and will confront you if your dogs are off-leash outside, and she's really aggressive about it. Alan and I both hate confrontations about this because we know the leash laws for our area, and people frequently express strong opinions about our dogs. (For example, we once had a woman at the off-leash dog park attempt to remove Samson's electronic collar after she had told Alan she believed "bark collars" were abusive. Alan tried to tell her it was not a bark collar (dogs bark--can you train it out of them?) and that, on the say-so of our dog trainer, we were using them because we needed our dogs to be off-leash obedient for their training.)

Anyway, not too long after our neighbor's description of what happened to her, the walking lady approached Alan. I happened to be across the street checking on Mason and Samson had followed me and decided what I was doing wasn't interesting enough for him so he was going back home. Apparently, this lady was walking by just as he finished crossing the street back into our yard and plunked himself down. She felt justified yelling at my husband to get our dogs on leash because "it's the law!". Alan immediately replied it is not the law in our area and he would do no such thing as long as they were not behaving in an aggressive manner. She threatened to call the police department and told him that she had been bitten by a dog exactly like ours so she doesn't like them and they need to be on leash.

It's probably a good thing I wasn't there. I have a big mouth that gets me into trouble, combined with a firm knowledge of police department and animal control procedures. At the very least, I have a feeling the police would have been needed for an in-progress civil problem.

I have a huge problem with people who feel comfortable telling me how to handle my dogs unless I've asked them to (like a trainer). My dogs always follow commands given by me or my husband and don't engage in threatening behavior (they don't bark or charge at passersby, they don't chase cars, and they have never bitten outside of commands to do so). We have invested a lot of time and money into training to make this possible. Furthermore, our dogs are always supervised when they are out in the front yard. We recognize that while negative behavior isn't typical of them, it is still possible and they need to be watched.

For us to be threatened, in our own yard, for circumstances that have never occurred at our home, is absolutely infuriating to me. If the dogs had even looked up from their nap when she walked by, she may have been justified. In this case she was not and I'm still angry about the whole confrontation. I understand that not everyone likes dogs, and some people are legitimately terrified of them (especially dogs as large as ours). I'm not asking her to walk up and pet them, I'm just asking her to keep her mouth shut when she walks past as long as there is no problem!

This is a long story to make this point: if you have a pet and aren't familiar with the animal ordinances in your area please take the time to get familiar with them so you aren't "caught" as we were. We had vaguely checked into the law when we first got Rio, but we never had a need for the specifics until last night, and so we weren't entirely prepared for this woman's tirade. Next time she walks by, we will be.

Here are links to some of the animal services sites for the Salt Lake Valley Area and beyond: Salt Lake County Animal Services, Davis County Animal Control, Utah County Animal Control, Draper City Animal Services, Murray Animal Control, Sandy City Animal Services, South Jordan Animal Control, South Salt Lake Animal Services, West Valley/Taylorsville Animal Control, West Jordan Animal Control, and I couldn't find a direct website, but here is the contact information for Midvale City if you want to reach their Animal Control. They work a lot with South Jordan Animal Control, so their information may be very similar. Also, here's a link to Cottonwood Heights for Adopt a Pet; I think their animal related items may be under Ordinances, but they don't have a dedicated page for Animal Control yet.

Our vicious beasts: Rio on top and Samson on bottom

Five Fun Facts About Rio

Rio was our first child in many ways. We adopted her in May 2004 when she was 8 weeks old, and just a month after we got our yard put in. She was the second puppy we had seen and was so adorable we couldn't avoid getting her that night. We went to the local grocery store (we had reached the cash limit at the ATM), each purchased a pack of gum and took the max cash out, just so we could take her home then instead of waiting for the check to clear.
She has been basically a constant delight ever since then. She is smart, sly, and can be quite funny. This Friday, I give you my Five Favorite Things About Rio.

1. She cuddles up in her kennel whenever she needs a break. I had read in dog-training books that many dogs will use their kennels as a 'den', a refuge. She's the only one I know who actually does it.

2. She hogs the cold air. She is the one who invented the concept (with Samson as her faithful follower) of laying on the AC vents in our bedroom at night. We have to turn it down to at least 64 degrees before she'll step off, and since we can't very well do that anymore with Mason to consider, she gets full reign.

3. She will bring your her bowl when she's hungry or knock the 5-gallon bottle of water off when she's finished drinking it. She very clearly communicates her needs.

4. She can intimidate you with just a glance. We once had a neighbor who flat-out refused to walk past our house because she would watch him. She never once barked at him, she would just sit in the far corner of our yard and stare when he passed.

5. One of her ears doesn't stand up correctly. Her right ear always flops. We had thought briefly about making her a show dog, because her coloring is beautiful, but the floppy ear would've ruined that. But it gives her so much personality we couldn't do the harsh ear-cutting surgery to really make her ears point. She'll cock her head and look at you with that floppy ear, as if to say "I dare you to pet me. Or give me a hot dog, your choice."

Rio, the first night we brought her home, May 2004

Rio, as a very very dirty princess on our camping trip last week, July 2008

Five Fun Facts about Samson

Samson is laying here next to me as I'm typing out some blog posts and responding to email, and it makes me think about him a little bit. When we adopted our two dogs, we invited two very distinct personalities into our lives. They make our lives richer, sometimes they make our lives more odiferous, and they never fail to provide affection when you really need it. So for the next couple weeks, I'm letting Friday Fives go to the dogs.

Five Fun Facts About Samson

1. It took us longer to name him than it did to name our son. One of the choices was acutally "Diogi". To see why that's funny, sound it out carefully. It took me several tries.

2. He howls at telephone rings. We can't change our ringtones, or many times even have an incoming call, without him letting us hear how it's affecting his day.

3. He groans when he scratches the right spot on his ear. Some dogs twitch their legs, but not Samson.

4. He likes to crawl under the back porch. This is most entertaining because he weighs about 110 lbs and often gets stuck. He also sleeps with his head and shoulders under our bed.

5. He never fails to entertain. He licks the air coming out of air vents, he tries to catch bugs in his mouth, and prefers to sleep sprawled on his back. He has tried to dive under our bed and missed because he was too big, walked into tables that haven't been moved since he lived here. He has fallen asleep having his head scratched, fallen over when he lifted his leg to go potty, and lost his balance trying to scratch his side.

Sadly, I can't find any pictures of Samson as a puppy. We didn't have many because it was so hard to get him to hold still for that long, which is sad because he was so very adorable. But here is on our camping trip, watching something out on the water.